The Eye(brow)s Have It

I’ve tried mousse (goopy). I’ve tried gel (sticky). I’ve tried udder balm (stinky). I’ve tried hairspray (dries too fast). I’ve tried spit (horrible manners).

Nothing will keep my left eyebrow hairs from springing upward toward my hairline in a decidedly unruly fashion.

Unmatched, too. On the left, we have a vivacious schnauzer sticking out in all directions, Andy Rooney-style. But the right eyebrow hairs continue to grow in a conventionally arched, rightward direction. On that side, normalcy.

I guess I must sleep on my left side and have vivid dreams that make me grind my face into the pillow funny. When I meet new people, I have to turn my right-hand profile to them or they’ll think I’m certifiable.

My friend Jeannie knows why it’s happening. “Just look around at everything that’s going on in the world,” she counseled. “Your eyebrow just raises up all the time, in shock. Maybe you shouldn’t listen to radio news all day.”

Yeah, well, if I put earplugs in, then I suppose my EARLOBES will start curling up. You can’t win!

By Susan Darst Williams Ÿ Ÿ © 2019